Ventilator try...

Abbey and I walked in to see a more responsive, mom, Becky. Her eyes almost totally visible..and we got head nods! YES. The sedation med had been reduced, due to the effort of trying to maybe, maybe remove the ventilator, thus a more aware Becky. After so many days of seeing her lie so motionless, then to see her eyes, the head movement, what a boost to Abbey and me. As I think I mentioned earlier, the sedation and pain med are there so she will not feel the sensation of the tubes going down her throat and nose. You would naturally want to pull them out. We, of course, told her,..we loved her and that we were here for her, we encouraged her over and over, stroked her hands and head,..
Here's the part I would wish no one to experience. So difficult have some communication, then only to have it almost completely vanish. Her recognition of our words and assurances were still there when Abbey and I left for the day, but she had to be sedated again, thankfully not to the level she had been under. Here's the fact: the ventilator removal didn't work today. Her heart rate was of great concern, it is believed she may have been feeling the ventilator apparatus and it was causing overwhelming anxiety. Even her shoulders did a slight left right nod. So, thankfully no chances taken, had to increase the sedation to calm her. But again, not as heavy as before, so there was still some slight back and forth communication with Becky. This sequence of events was so piercingly mixed..heart wrenching, but also heartwarming to communicate in some small way with her. Today, the threshold was reached for a return back to the sedation, yet, another try tomorrow. The pulmonologist said we will come in even more gradual and "I feel we can do this", she said. Becky's oxygen use isn't much higher than when she was not on vent, but the vent is/ has to breathe for her, since she is sedated. Becky's kidneys were more improved, liver levels still high, but hematologist said there are some positive things..
Dear God, keep my wife's heart calm, keep her comfortable...if indeed the removal procedure is attempted again tomorrow..
I am a bit on edge, duh, ya think? But I am overall, calm. Abbey is calm. And as I have said, she calms me. We are just trying to grasp this unbelievable chapter in an unbelievable journey. but we know everyone has a story, everyone, some stories much more dynamic than ours...and I also say, some of the dynamics in a life-altering journey can be beautiful, and we had a some beautiful moments while traveling this uncertain road.

As always, thank you for praying, Becky has shown some improvement, she has, but an Everest-like climb remains before us. Father God, remind me of your sovereignty during this uncertain moment.
And yes, Becky would definitely say...

Celebrate life.. Celebrate it!

Bill, Becky and Abbey