Soon...

Hard to believe in a few short months...Abbey will graduate from high school.  Surrealness is the word.  But, onward forward are the words I also say.  The next chapter will be exciting, challenging and momentous.  Let's do it.  Until then, must enjoy this chapter..give great thanks for a demanding but fulfilling high school. I think I mentioned in earlier writings, she had the lead in the 2013 fall play..it was such a stellar time for her.  She embraced it, conquered it with all her might and will.  Yes, I am Dad..but I can say via comments of others..she was magnificent.  Especially for her first lead and not being deeply involved with theater for the past few years. She is loving it.  Now she is in the musical with a significantly reduced role, but she is again enjoying it.  Learning so much. 

I share with you..my life-backpack is pretty heavy right now..got some tasks and decisions to make that I must handle one at a time...Just too much to absorb them all.  I will use the tools necessary to lighten the load.  That's the road of life is it not?  Heavy then light...then heavy again.  But just can't squeeze too tight.  As in golf, gripping too tight to the club can cause an errant shot, therefore in life, gripping too tight just adds an unnecessary pressure..loosen the grip while still keeping calm and focused and eyes on the target.  Yeah, I gotta recall this sometimes daily...
And never forget to have some fun.  One quick note..I did a gospel brunch  thru my church yesterday..At a club/bar in Hermosa Beach.  Rehearsed two times with some wonderful folks..then performed 3 songs.  Sorta brought back memories of my band days..though I have been performing sporadically..just haven't done it in this format in awhile. In a club, a bit ad-lib, an open floor creative outlet...Felt kinda good.  I was surprisingly a little nervous..a little pitchy in places..but man..I did have some fun..just sorta let it go.
I don't know how many more times I will do this..but hey, every now and then...feels good.
Loved seeing all the talent that was there from the church..sweet people...and some good spirit-led music was heard.  Good gospel in the bar...

So onward forward...I want to accomplish a few creative projects..But just gotta take care of the daily sutff for now..

I hope and pray you are well and good. 

Much Love,

Bill

Visited...

We went to the cemetery in the morning...we talked of how Mom liked birthdays..and how she would spoil us on our birthdays, and she did.   We took some flowers today..she loved flowers.  We had reflective talk..good talk.  We conversed of how we are doing now..and agreed we were doing OK..doing good.  We still grieve..one never 'gets over' a loss like this..but we do see how we have moved forward.  You have too..even though I know there is sometimes a grief-freeze that can happen,  but you must try to take on the next day and the next and yes, we are enjoying life moments now, while never forgetting what was..
We went to one of Becky's fav locations for breakfast.. good ol' IHOP.  It was a fun, meaningful moment. 

And I must note:  Today was meaningful not only with Becky's bday...but a dear aunt passed away in NC. 
She was a sweetie...and even though she was on an accelerated decline..the loss was still a bit sudden. 
Also, I must mention..the water heater started spewing water from the top...it is a goner...
And the garage door opener is giving me some above the norm trouble!...

I just had to make note of the above...Wow, what a day..

God Bless you all...and yes, life has trials..difficult days..I do ask God to take the burden of the trials..help me structure the problems..or rearrange them with wisdom and patience, and find solutions...

Bill

Birthday...tomorrow..

Tomorrow the 12th is, or would have been Becky's birthday...

Abbey and I will go to the cemetery.  We do have good reflection, good talk and deep, meaningful moments of silence.  Inevitably, a visit to the cemetery reminds us of where we are in this journey, where we were and perhaps where we may go...We do like to discuss these life measurements...while also being engulfed in the moment..on that gentle hill...under that tree, seeing the vast landscape 'stamped' with headstones...seeing the planes flyover, the LA Forum in the distance..we just absorb it...

Becky loved to give on birthdays..she would also write the birth dates of seemingly everyone she knew, in her calendar.

Just to note..I remember going to the cemetery on the first birthday after Becky's passing.  It was a hard, hard day..her birthday was truly a tough one.  I can say, I think the heart heaviness does lighten..time does it's thing I suppose.  But, as we drive out tomorrow..I am sure the reflection will be just as comprehensive and penetrating as before.

Hope you and yours are finding sweet moments of reflection..

Much Love,

Bill

And I know..

And yes, I do know..one day,perhaps one day soon.   I will cease the blog...I have said it quite a few times and it just may happen.  Documenting the journey, the almost unbearable heavy-hearted grief to the not so weighted grievous days, to the living and enjoying days..to the forming a 'new' life days..yes, all the emotional, clinical, raw, factual writing on these epages has meant so much.  I just had to faithfully stay on the story path....I will of course, return to view these pages years from now and be soul-searingly reminded of just what transpired. My mind and heart will never let me forget..but I also know I will be so grateful to have written about this life-altering, life-affirming journey on these pages.
Thank you all for following..

God Bless you..Celebrate life, Much love,

Bill

Now..

Some days just seem to remind us of what stress can do...We work through some tough assignmentsor projects with great focus and 'sticktuitiveness'..then a few days later that good ol' buddy stress lets you know it still has a room changing personality. BAM..here I am.    But, we do learn to behaviour modify..to work thru these stress moments.  To pray and be still, or pray and take a long, long walk.  Either can be medicinal.  It will pass...but getting there takes a corralling of emotion and senses. So let's do this...

College will soon have even more clarity..it is exciting and fearful...but we knew this chapter would come.  The east looks to be the destination, but first, let's stay the course with the last few months of the senior year and Abbey will.  She wants to savor this special time. 

Dreams and plans are hers to embrace..to process...to define and redefine..it is an adventerous time in life.  A good, life-discovering time.. 

Many decisions to make on my part..will I soon follow back east? Make the move?  Will I stay in LA?..
Or try to do both?  Lord, please lead and guide me.  Let me be decisive and ready, no matter which road I choose...

Hope your road is a good one..Or at least you are able to navigate and manage the curves in your life.  Can be really, really tough sometimes..just hold on to the wheel..

God Bless...take a breath...

Bill