Just thinking today...ha-ha...don't we all...Those BIG grandiose thoughts...
I am grateful for this day...
Bill
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Monday, September 29, 2014
A page turner...new chapter
Page turner...new chapter..surreal, but oh so real...
These have been my bumper sticker words for the past few weeks and more.
Abbey is now in college back east.(south) The process has been almost job-like, as in a daily stick-to-it regimen. Such as: 'let's see what this or that university offers'..'let's try to visit', 'let's talk to someone who has been there'.. academics, location, financial parameters and more..this was our menu.
So, she is now gone..That last hug was tough, but knew it would be. I knew walking in the home upon return from the move-in would be a heavy heart-string moment, and it was. I knew the first days, or weeks would be, will be heartfelt, as I walk by her room..BUT, again I knew this..but still adjustment is the word that surfaces now. Ya know, its OK, it really is. A new life-chapter is here, new endeavors to pursue. I am sure many, many other parents are enduring the same monumental change and they too will adjust. Abbey is experiencing the college 'learning curve'..new people, environment, new friends..and I can say, she is making new friends..some good ones! Yeah! Go AB! I met them actually, for I stayed a few weeks after the big move-in. We made an agreement I would stay thru my Bday 9-3, thus I was able to return to the school for the Bday and subsequently meet her new friends. I am pleased to see the friendships are still enduring. Oh sure, the length of the college years will see friends ebb and flow but perhaps a few of these early 'we're in this new world together' friends will remain. We shall see. The Bday was dinner was great. A gentle southern rainy night...talk of her classes, of what interests will perhaps arise, of the dining hall food, or the activities she will participate in, and of course, talk of the future..what could perhaps happen and what she/we would want to happen.
So now, over a month later. She has had some learning experiences, but that's all good in this new chapter. Experiencing the nuances, dynamics of college life, the living closely with others, and TIME management, (a big one). She enjoys the nature surrounding her, takes some fulfilling walks and runs. Even doing a Yoga, Zumba class. Likes the football games, the off-campus activities with her friends, and the library she likes..woo hoo! Yes, she misses home. Of course she would as most freshmen do, but she knows she is in the right place. And I/we thank God for this right place. And I think she has found a church...we will see, but her heightened voice and words reflect the excitement, contentment she feels when she is at this worship center.
I am reinventing..thinking of many possibilities. I am seriously considering a move back south or perhaps another region. I feel stirred. I feel like this is a moment in time that postures a move. BUT we shall see. I have been in LA for many years, have deep roots here, great, great friends, but again, the stir-move remains, the restlessness also. I pray for clarity..while I make action moves to stay or go... to be content here or put up the sails and sail on. But always knowing, I WILL return periodically to LA. Need I state the wonderful moments I have had here..The wife I had here for almost 20 years, the daughter birthed and raised here..the friends, family I have here..the almost dream-like entertainment moments I have had here and the churches I have been a part of, of how I was able to walk to a church from my first apartment, re-dedicate my life to God and meet Becky at this church. Logistically, I could not have done this at any other location I have lived in LA, I am so humbled at this. I am grateful for the steady job I had for many years..wow, a super, 'regular' day job it was.. I am grateful to have had so many sweet, wonderful, fulfilling, very challenging, trial-laced, low valley, and mountain-peak moments in this crazy, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes embracing, supremely opportunistic city of millions. I have been an entertainer-performer, a DJ/MC for A-list parties, for princes, met a president, performed for many entertainment icons and business icons. I am truly not saying this to boast, just stating it to state it..nothing to it. Becky would often say to me..sometimes ya just gotta state what you do honey. So I just did in a capsulized version.
And now, onward forward. As earlier mentioned, perhaps time for re-invention, perhaps not a gravitation toward entertainment..I would be OK with it..I will see just what lures me, what talons will grasp the contentment part of my heart and soul. I can always have some great moments in my man cave with the music or whatever.
If you are reinventing, then go forth into that uncertain territory with courage. If you are content with your circumstance, then be content, contentment can really be OK. Enjoy it.
RE: Blog/Journal. I know I have mentioned many times..'this may be it, today I cease with writing in the blog. Well, I am saying it again. This chapter has closure...or a location move will dictate the closing words. I just know this, so glad Becky;s illness was documented here, and go glad the grief path was put into words.. So glad all this was done. The future talk..the talk of me being ready for companionship, Abbey's life-walk, all good for me to express here in my blog friend.
May you have a great day or evening. God give you peace in your walk. Be serious, but never forget how to have fun. Talk a walk, take a ride, car or bike. Celebrate, embrace what is good..
Much Love,
Bill
These have been my bumper sticker words for the past few weeks and more.
Abbey is now in college back east.(south) The process has been almost job-like, as in a daily stick-to-it regimen. Such as: 'let's see what this or that university offers'..'let's try to visit', 'let's talk to someone who has been there'.. academics, location, financial parameters and more..this was our menu.
So, she is now gone..That last hug was tough, but knew it would be. I knew walking in the home upon return from the move-in would be a heavy heart-string moment, and it was. I knew the first days, or weeks would be, will be heartfelt, as I walk by her room..BUT, again I knew this..but still adjustment is the word that surfaces now. Ya know, its OK, it really is. A new life-chapter is here, new endeavors to pursue. I am sure many, many other parents are enduring the same monumental change and they too will adjust. Abbey is experiencing the college 'learning curve'..new people, environment, new friends..and I can say, she is making new friends..some good ones! Yeah! Go AB! I met them actually, for I stayed a few weeks after the big move-in. We made an agreement I would stay thru my Bday 9-3, thus I was able to return to the school for the Bday and subsequently meet her new friends. I am pleased to see the friendships are still enduring. Oh sure, the length of the college years will see friends ebb and flow but perhaps a few of these early 'we're in this new world together' friends will remain. We shall see. The Bday was dinner was great. A gentle southern rainy night...talk of her classes, of what interests will perhaps arise, of the dining hall food, or the activities she will participate in, and of course, talk of the future..what could perhaps happen and what she/we would want to happen.
So now, over a month later. She has had some learning experiences, but that's all good in this new chapter. Experiencing the nuances, dynamics of college life, the living closely with others, and TIME management, (a big one). She enjoys the nature surrounding her, takes some fulfilling walks and runs. Even doing a Yoga, Zumba class. Likes the football games, the off-campus activities with her friends, and the library she likes..woo hoo! Yes, she misses home. Of course she would as most freshmen do, but she knows she is in the right place. And I/we thank God for this right place. And I think she has found a church...we will see, but her heightened voice and words reflect the excitement, contentment she feels when she is at this worship center.
I am reinventing..thinking of many possibilities. I am seriously considering a move back south or perhaps another region. I feel stirred. I feel like this is a moment in time that postures a move. BUT we shall see. I have been in LA for many years, have deep roots here, great, great friends, but again, the stir-move remains, the restlessness also. I pray for clarity..while I make action moves to stay or go... to be content here or put up the sails and sail on. But always knowing, I WILL return periodically to LA. Need I state the wonderful moments I have had here..The wife I had here for almost 20 years, the daughter birthed and raised here..the friends, family I have here..the almost dream-like entertainment moments I have had here and the churches I have been a part of, of how I was able to walk to a church from my first apartment, re-dedicate my life to God and meet Becky at this church. Logistically, I could not have done this at any other location I have lived in LA, I am so humbled at this. I am grateful for the steady job I had for many years..wow, a super, 'regular' day job it was.. I am grateful to have had so many sweet, wonderful, fulfilling, very challenging, trial-laced, low valley, and mountain-peak moments in this crazy, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes embracing, supremely opportunistic city of millions. I have been an entertainer-performer, a DJ/MC for A-list parties, for princes, met a president, performed for many entertainment icons and business icons. I am truly not saying this to boast, just stating it to state it..nothing to it. Becky would often say to me..sometimes ya just gotta state what you do honey. So I just did in a capsulized version.
And now, onward forward. As earlier mentioned, perhaps time for re-invention, perhaps not a gravitation toward entertainment..I would be OK with it..I will see just what lures me, what talons will grasp the contentment part of my heart and soul. I can always have some great moments in my man cave with the music or whatever.
If you are reinventing, then go forth into that uncertain territory with courage. If you are content with your circumstance, then be content, contentment can really be OK. Enjoy it.
RE: Blog/Journal. I know I have mentioned many times..'this may be it, today I cease with writing in the blog. Well, I am saying it again. This chapter has closure...or a location move will dictate the closing words. I just know this, so glad Becky;s illness was documented here, and go glad the grief path was put into words.. So glad all this was done. The future talk..the talk of me being ready for companionship, Abbey's life-walk, all good for me to express here in my blog friend.
May you have a great day or evening. God give you peace in your walk. Be serious, but never forget how to have fun. Talk a walk, take a ride, car or bike. Celebrate, embrace what is good..
Much Love,
Bill
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
On July 27th....and now preparing...and a word on fun...
Would have celebrated 23 years of marriage..The past few years saw me visiting the site of our wedding vows...but this day saw other plans, activity. And that's OK...just what it is...or was. BUT, I of course, thought of that memorable day under a big yellow and white tent. We made it 19 years, 10 months, through great trial and great triumph...
AND NOW, preparing to get Abbey back east for college...She is excited, but also reflective. Knowing she is leaving LA..friends, habits etc...BUT she also knows, this step is a good one. She is excited about the new area...new opportunities, the academics the school offers..And other places to travel.
We covet your prayers for smooth transition..and yes, even in the bumps and uncertainty, there will be sweet life lived.
Will keep an update on the move and more..
God Bless you and keep you...and never forget how to have some fun..I mean it. In the heavy grief, it was of course very, very difficult to say this...but now..I say to you, when time permits, when bill-pays have been clicked, the workload lightened to manageability, the house in some decent order, the pets are fed, the children were fed last week, (ha-ha)..well you get it. Just step away and play for a bit. I am into the serious, believe me, I know daily discipline is what it takes to get something done, fun can't be the word of the day, everyday..but when you get a block of time..treat yourself to a fun thang. You decide what you consider as fun.
OUT...
Bill
AND NOW, preparing to get Abbey back east for college...She is excited, but also reflective. Knowing she is leaving LA..friends, habits etc...BUT she also knows, this step is a good one. She is excited about the new area...new opportunities, the academics the school offers..And other places to travel.
We covet your prayers for smooth transition..and yes, even in the bumps and uncertainty, there will be sweet life lived.
Will keep an update on the move and more..
God Bless you and keep you...and never forget how to have some fun..I mean it. In the heavy grief, it was of course very, very difficult to say this...but now..I say to you, when time permits, when bill-pays have been clicked, the workload lightened to manageability, the house in some decent order, the pets are fed, the children were fed last week, (ha-ha)..well you get it. Just step away and play for a bit. I am into the serious, believe me, I know daily discipline is what it takes to get something done, fun can't be the word of the day, everyday..but when you get a block of time..treat yourself to a fun thang. You decide what you consider as fun.
OUT...
Bill
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
3 years..and now...a graduation, a move, a...etc..
If you asked me on May 23rd, 2011 how I would feel 3 years from now (in fairness, no one would really ask that 3 years ago) I would probably look at you with an indescribable stare, a distant shallow look, that would only portray or answer; 'how can I even think that far ahead?' and indeed, I could not even think 3 minutes ahead, forget about 3 years. But here it is..3 years and a few months..and yes, life has been lived with the heavy, heavy grief, to the less heavy, to the even lesser grief, yet still having days I think deeply, reflectively about just what happened..what was experienced. The heart and soul searing trials but also the triumphs. Abbey and I visited the cemetery on the May 23rd. We have some of our best talks at the cemetery..and some of our most pristine quiet times. It is a good barometer time. I usually ask, 'how do you think we are doing?' And Abbey in her young wisdom, transparency and truth says..'I think we are doing good, really good'...So I take it..and I do think, yes, I suppose we are doing 'good'. Though, not meaning the grief, there are a just a few things I do wish I would have done better, or could have done better, but cannot dwell on this...Got to thank the Lord for all of His provisions and guidance, even when the days were very dim, the nights were tear-filled and the tasks were overwhelming, yes overwhelming. But, here I am, here we are. There is laughter, and as I have said, the music is clearer, louder, the sun brighter, dancing can happen in morning, but time will be the great dictate for this, but dancing or a lighter step can come. So yes, we had a very meaningful time at the cemetery..we always talk of how amazing Mom, Becky was during the illness and she was, and how she knew, she would 'win' no matter what. I don't want to be frivolous when I say win...for she wanted to live on this earth many more years..she yearned for some semblance of good health, but she also knew (and wrote) she would be where no more trials of this earthly life would be endured..she knew this earth was not her home. I shake and lower my head when I think of it...I am so humbled and so 'rich' in many ways to have seen her courage and faith. She knew heaven, God, Jesus in her heart. She lived it.
SO its now, and plans are to be made, endeavors that can generate excitement are to be realized. Go boldly into the future. AND, hard to believe, Abbey has just graduated from high school. She will attend college back east! (south) Yes, the mid-atlantic area east. So surreal. But the big move feels right. I am so proud of her. She had a great senior year...though very difficult with a weighted research paper and other classes, but hey, she knew it would be much more than a 'senioritis' type of year..hard work would be seen and it was..but she did great. I saw the years 'rolodex' or download before my eyes on the graduation day..It was very fulfilling that this day had come but also a reflective, revisiting of sweet toddler to teen years was seen and of course, the past few years of our difficult and unique journey were recalled. But here it was and it was awesome to see her all grown up in that cap and gown. You go girl. And it was so nice to have close friends there, sitting with me. Thank you, and thank you to the many who have supported her, encouraged her and prayed for her these past few years...big love to you all. It was incredible, bittersweet to hug the families that have been together for many years in school. I think I can say, this school-togetherness is not as common in LA as it perhaps would be in other areas, thus it produces a very special, appreciative group which we are of each other. So hard to think, we will not see each other at the school and subsequent events. But just putting it simply and just how we would all 'bumper sticker' it...Life has to go on...We have to graduate to the next school, the next chapter. So throw the cap up in the air and let's go.
I know when I return from taking Abbey to that east coast school, the turn of the key will be the hardest turn I have probably ever had to make, or actually maybe the second hardest. I think about 3 years ago, I had a few very difficult key turns. But again, life has to go on.. onward-forward. Wonderful things await. I want to explore these wonderful things..I do not know if California is in the near or distant future..I am going to pray about this. I will seek some council, I will seek opportunity where opportunity arises or presents itself to be one of delight and desire. Here or elsewhere... And yes, now I think about companionship...where will that be? My heart will know, or at least I hope and pray so.
Yes, it's a big world, but may we, I never forget the ordinary..to serve others, to walk in humility and thankfulness, enjoy the simple, such as a good latte, enjoy friends, family, a good walk, run and more..to seek God's direction, compass. Amen.
Thank you again to those who still read the blog. I know the postings have appeared a little less frequent, but I think in some way, that has shown progress. Slightly questionable to assess it this way, but somehow at this moment, the assessment fits. I sorta, kinda like to write, but I know with writing ya gotta do it daily, I will work on this (?) :) This blog/journal has been a therapeutic destination..I am grateful to have been transparent, emotional, informative and more on this epages. I also encourage you to write down thoughts..even if on a 3 by 5 card..or just journal in your computer...ipad, i this and that...just write of your days and nights..We all have stories..all of us..
Enjoy your days...sail your ocean...
Much Love to you all,
Bill
SO its now, and plans are to be made, endeavors that can generate excitement are to be realized. Go boldly into the future. AND, hard to believe, Abbey has just graduated from high school. She will attend college back east! (south) Yes, the mid-atlantic area east. So surreal. But the big move feels right. I am so proud of her. She had a great senior year...though very difficult with a weighted research paper and other classes, but hey, she knew it would be much more than a 'senioritis' type of year..hard work would be seen and it was..but she did great. I saw the years 'rolodex' or download before my eyes on the graduation day..It was very fulfilling that this day had come but also a reflective, revisiting of sweet toddler to teen years was seen and of course, the past few years of our difficult and unique journey were recalled. But here it was and it was awesome to see her all grown up in that cap and gown. You go girl. And it was so nice to have close friends there, sitting with me. Thank you, and thank you to the many who have supported her, encouraged her and prayed for her these past few years...big love to you all. It was incredible, bittersweet to hug the families that have been together for many years in school. I think I can say, this school-togetherness is not as common in LA as it perhaps would be in other areas, thus it produces a very special, appreciative group which we are of each other. So hard to think, we will not see each other at the school and subsequent events. But just putting it simply and just how we would all 'bumper sticker' it...Life has to go on...We have to graduate to the next school, the next chapter. So throw the cap up in the air and let's go.
I know when I return from taking Abbey to that east coast school, the turn of the key will be the hardest turn I have probably ever had to make, or actually maybe the second hardest. I think about 3 years ago, I had a few very difficult key turns. But again, life has to go on.. onward-forward. Wonderful things await. I want to explore these wonderful things..I do not know if California is in the near or distant future..I am going to pray about this. I will seek some council, I will seek opportunity where opportunity arises or presents itself to be one of delight and desire. Here or elsewhere... And yes, now I think about companionship...where will that be? My heart will know, or at least I hope and pray so.
Yes, it's a big world, but may we, I never forget the ordinary..to serve others, to walk in humility and thankfulness, enjoy the simple, such as a good latte, enjoy friends, family, a good walk, run and more..to seek God's direction, compass. Amen.
Thank you again to those who still read the blog. I know the postings have appeared a little less frequent, but I think in some way, that has shown progress. Slightly questionable to assess it this way, but somehow at this moment, the assessment fits. I sorta, kinda like to write, but I know with writing ya gotta do it daily, I will work on this (?) :) This blog/journal has been a therapeutic destination..I am grateful to have been transparent, emotional, informative and more on this epages. I also encourage you to write down thoughts..even if on a 3 by 5 card..or just journal in your computer...ipad, i this and that...just write of your days and nights..We all have stories..all of us..
Enjoy your days...sail your ocean...
Much Love to you all,
Bill
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Thinking about..
We all think about the definition of success..what really, I mean really defines success. Well, I am sure I could list immeasurable meanings and/or definitions. Just been thinking about it today. Will perhaps put more thoughts on this epage or another epage later...
Onward forward..
Bill
Onward forward..
Bill
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Decisions and the car...
April, the year is progressing...much to consider in the next few months. Some monumental decisions. Is Abbey going to college east coast? ..Big move. Bill, some job efforts to be made. Projects to perhaps create and complete. And wow, it appears the car has said, 'I am tired'. Major repairs needed, major, yet not wise to repair, cost would be so significant, just use for other purpose...So here we go, time to look. I think back to when one night driving from hospital when Becky was in ICU ( I think around May 18th 2011)..fortunately Abbey and I were just going to a hotel a few miles down the road, we were exhausted, the hoses had all torn or split off the radiator.. All the fluid gone, sounded like marbles in the engine. Just barely made it to Target, replenished radiator fluid and then proceeded to hotel. I did write about that memorable night and subsequent repair and how we had to rent a car for the week. I may revisit that writing.. The car has done pretty darn good since then...but now ageism has presented it's card, ouch.
I also think back to 3 years ago at this time, Becky was admitted for the final hospital stay. After 9 months at home..we thought a significant chapter was being written or a corner turned...she had been home for her longest interval, but here we were, driving to the hospital.
Hope all your moves are good ones..change can be good, very good.
God Bless you....
Bill
I also think back to 3 years ago at this time, Becky was admitted for the final hospital stay. After 9 months at home..we thought a significant chapter was being written or a corner turned...she had been home for her longest interval, but here we were, driving to the hospital.
Hope all your moves are good ones..change can be good, very good.
God Bless you....
Bill
Monday, March 31, 2014
Soon...
Hard to believe in a few short months...Abbey will graduate from high school. Surrealness is the word. But, onward forward are the words I also say. The next chapter will be exciting, challenging and momentous. Let's do it. Until then, must enjoy this chapter..give great thanks for a demanding but fulfilling high school. I think I mentioned in earlier writings, she had the lead in the 2013 fall play..it was such a stellar time for her. She embraced it, conquered it with all her might and will. Yes, I am Dad..but I can say via comments of others..she was magnificent. Especially for her first lead and not being deeply involved with theater for the past few years. She is loving it. Now she is in the musical with a significantly reduced role, but she is again enjoying it. Learning so much.
I share with you..my life-backpack is pretty heavy right now..got some tasks and decisions to make that I must handle one at a time...Just too much to absorb them all. I will use the tools necessary to lighten the load. That's the road of life is it not? Heavy then light...then heavy again. But just can't squeeze too tight. As in golf, gripping too tight to the club can cause an errant shot, therefore in life, gripping too tight just adds an unnecessary pressure..loosen the grip while still keeping calm and focused and eyes on the target. Yeah, I gotta recall this sometimes daily...
And never forget to have some fun. One quick note..I did a gospel brunch thru my church yesterday..At a club/bar in Hermosa Beach. Rehearsed two times with some wonderful folks..then performed 3 songs. Sorta brought back memories of my band days..though I have been performing sporadically..just haven't done it in this format in awhile. In a club, a bit ad-lib, an open floor creative outlet...Felt kinda good. I was surprisingly a little nervous..a little pitchy in places..but man..I did have some fun..just sorta let it go.
I don't know how many more times I will do this..but hey, every now and then...feels good.
Loved seeing all the talent that was there from the church..sweet people...and some good spirit-led music was heard. Good gospel in the bar...
So onward forward...I want to accomplish a few creative projects..But just gotta take care of the daily sutff for now..
I hope and pray you are well and good.
Much Love,
Bill
I share with you..my life-backpack is pretty heavy right now..got some tasks and decisions to make that I must handle one at a time...Just too much to absorb them all. I will use the tools necessary to lighten the load. That's the road of life is it not? Heavy then light...then heavy again. But just can't squeeze too tight. As in golf, gripping too tight to the club can cause an errant shot, therefore in life, gripping too tight just adds an unnecessary pressure..loosen the grip while still keeping calm and focused and eyes on the target. Yeah, I gotta recall this sometimes daily...
And never forget to have some fun. One quick note..I did a gospel brunch thru my church yesterday..At a club/bar in Hermosa Beach. Rehearsed two times with some wonderful folks..then performed 3 songs. Sorta brought back memories of my band days..though I have been performing sporadically..just haven't done it in this format in awhile. In a club, a bit ad-lib, an open floor creative outlet...Felt kinda good. I was surprisingly a little nervous..a little pitchy in places..but man..I did have some fun..just sorta let it go.
I don't know how many more times I will do this..but hey, every now and then...feels good.
Loved seeing all the talent that was there from the church..sweet people...and some good spirit-led music was heard. Good gospel in the bar...
So onward forward...I want to accomplish a few creative projects..But just gotta take care of the daily sutff for now..
I hope and pray you are well and good.
Much Love,
Bill
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Visited...
We went to the cemetery in the morning...we talked of how Mom liked birthdays..and how she would spoil us on our birthdays, and she did. We took some flowers today..she loved flowers. We had reflective talk..good talk. We conversed of how we are doing now..and agreed we were doing OK..doing good. We still grieve..one never 'gets over' a loss like this..but we do see how we have moved forward. You have too..even though I know there is sometimes a grief-freeze that can happen, but you must try to take on the next day and the next and yes, we are enjoying life moments now, while never forgetting what was..
We went to one of Becky's fav locations for breakfast.. good ol' IHOP. It was a fun, meaningful moment.
And I must note: Today was meaningful not only with Becky's bday...but a dear aunt passed away in NC.
She was a sweetie...and even though she was on an accelerated decline..the loss was still a bit sudden.
Also, I must mention..the water heater started spewing water from the top...it is a goner...
And the garage door opener is giving me some above the norm trouble!...
I just had to make note of the above...Wow, what a day..
God Bless you all...and yes, life has trials..difficult days..I do ask God to take the burden of the trials..help me structure the problems..or rearrange them with wisdom and patience, and find solutions...
Bill
We went to one of Becky's fav locations for breakfast.. good ol' IHOP. It was a fun, meaningful moment.
And I must note: Today was meaningful not only with Becky's bday...but a dear aunt passed away in NC.
She was a sweetie...and even though she was on an accelerated decline..the loss was still a bit sudden.
Also, I must mention..the water heater started spewing water from the top...it is a goner...
And the garage door opener is giving me some above the norm trouble!...
I just had to make note of the above...Wow, what a day..
God Bless you all...and yes, life has trials..difficult days..I do ask God to take the burden of the trials..help me structure the problems..or rearrange them with wisdom and patience, and find solutions...
Bill
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Birthday...tomorrow..
Tomorrow the 12th is, or would have been Becky's birthday...
Abbey and I will go to the cemetery. We do have good reflection, good talk and deep, meaningful moments of silence. Inevitably, a visit to the cemetery reminds us of where we are in this journey, where we were and perhaps where we may go...We do like to discuss these life measurements...while also being engulfed in the moment..on that gentle hill...under that tree, seeing the vast landscape 'stamped' with headstones...seeing the planes flyover, the LA Forum in the distance..we just absorb it...
Becky loved to give on birthdays..she would also write the birth dates of seemingly everyone she knew, in her calendar.
Just to note..I remember going to the cemetery on the first birthday after Becky's passing. It was a hard, hard day..her birthday was truly a tough one. I can say, I think the heart heaviness does lighten..time does it's thing I suppose. But, as we drive out tomorrow..I am sure the reflection will be just as comprehensive and penetrating as before.
Hope you and yours are finding sweet moments of reflection..
Much Love,
Bill
Abbey and I will go to the cemetery. We do have good reflection, good talk and deep, meaningful moments of silence. Inevitably, a visit to the cemetery reminds us of where we are in this journey, where we were and perhaps where we may go...We do like to discuss these life measurements...while also being engulfed in the moment..on that gentle hill...under that tree, seeing the vast landscape 'stamped' with headstones...seeing the planes flyover, the LA Forum in the distance..we just absorb it...
Becky loved to give on birthdays..she would also write the birth dates of seemingly everyone she knew, in her calendar.
Just to note..I remember going to the cemetery on the first birthday after Becky's passing. It was a hard, hard day..her birthday was truly a tough one. I can say, I think the heart heaviness does lighten..time does it's thing I suppose. But, as we drive out tomorrow..I am sure the reflection will be just as comprehensive and penetrating as before.
Hope you and yours are finding sweet moments of reflection..
Much Love,
Bill
Sunday, March 2, 2014
And I know..
And yes, I do know..one day,perhaps one day soon. I will cease the blog...I have said it quite a few times and it just may happen. Documenting the journey, the almost unbearable heavy-hearted grief to the not so weighted grievous days, to the living and enjoying days..to the forming a 'new' life days..yes, all the emotional, clinical, raw, factual writing on these epages has meant so much. I just had to faithfully stay on the story path....I will of course, return to view these pages years from now and be soul-searingly reminded of just what transpired. My mind and heart will never let me forget..but I also know I will be so grateful to have written about this life-altering, life-affirming journey on these pages.
Thank you all for following..
God Bless you..Celebrate life, Much love,
Bill
Thank you all for following..
God Bless you..Celebrate life, Much love,
Bill
Now..
Some days just seem to remind us of what stress can do...We work through some tough assignmentsor projects with great focus and 'sticktuitiveness'..then a few days later that good ol' buddy stress lets you know it still has a room changing personality. BAM..here I am. But, we do learn to behaviour modify..to work thru these stress moments. To pray and be still, or pray and take a long, long walk. Either can be medicinal. It will pass...but getting there takes a corralling of emotion and senses. So let's do this...
College will soon have even more clarity..it is exciting and fearful...but we knew this chapter would come. The east looks to be the destination, but first, let's stay the course with the last few months of the senior year and Abbey will. She wants to savor this special time.
Dreams and plans are hers to embrace..to process...to define and redefine..it is an adventerous time in life. A good, life-discovering time..
Many decisions to make on my part..will I soon follow back east? Make the move? Will I stay in LA?..
Or try to do both? Lord, please lead and guide me. Let me be decisive and ready, no matter which road I choose...
Hope your road is a good one..Or at least you are able to navigate and manage the curves in your life. Can be really, really tough sometimes..just hold on to the wheel..
God Bless...take a breath...
Bill
College will soon have even more clarity..it is exciting and fearful...but we knew this chapter would come. The east looks to be the destination, but first, let's stay the course with the last few months of the senior year and Abbey will. She wants to savor this special time.
Dreams and plans are hers to embrace..to process...to define and redefine..it is an adventerous time in life. A good, life-discovering time..
Many decisions to make on my part..will I soon follow back east? Make the move? Will I stay in LA?..
Or try to do both? Lord, please lead and guide me. Let me be decisive and ready, no matter which road I choose...
Hope your road is a good one..Or at least you are able to navigate and manage the curves in your life. Can be really, really tough sometimes..just hold on to the wheel..
God Bless...take a breath...
Bill
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Donor...- College
Sent donor some pics of Abbey and me. Now family faces are seen...the family she so selflessly donated her stem cells to. I will also send her a pic of Becky..but wanted to ask her first. Will do so when she replies. I suppose I should have done it with the pics of Abbey and me..but something internally just whispered...wait...really don't know why. I am sure she would want to see the face of someone she actually gave so much to...someone who was able to mark off calendar days because of these life sustaining stem cells flown over from Germany.
One day, one day..Abbey and I will be able to meet this sweet, sweet donor..I pray that momentous meeting will come within a reasonable amount of time.
COLLEGE! Wow, Abbey applying to colleges..what a process. Things have changed since back-in-the-day...A bit more essay involvement..more questions to answer. Some schools are even test optional. SAT or ACT can be substituted for an essay or essays...But, it is what it is..gotta do it.
Of course, parents have a few homework assignments..a few forms to navigate. It can get a bit laborious..but again, it is what it is...gotta do it..
I am thankful for the many, many higher institutions of learning in this country...We are truly so fortunate to have countless, stellar colleges and universities to chose from.
Stay tuned!
And one note..this healthcare situation is also quite a labyrinth. I think I am now qualified to counsel others on it...I have been changing, rearranging, phone-holding, modifying my days, grumbling, frustratingly waving in the air, but yes, periodically shouting a big 'thank you'..but getting to where I am now has been grueling. I mean extra, extra arduous. I have seen the health system quite closely, extensively over the past few years. Yes, change is needed, really needed and now...But I do believe this new act needed a little more homework completion before the big deciders said OK. Many will now have medical access and that really is a good, good step...but again, this roll-out for many is a complicated and in some cases expensive end result. I suppose we should all know, change this momentous will have its issues..a sandpaper implementation period, and this one has some coarse paper, but we will all work/ 'sand' through this..just gotta do it. With great patience and much tweaking..this will see some framework of success.
Hope all is well with you and yours. Onward forward.
Bill
One day, one day..Abbey and I will be able to meet this sweet, sweet donor..I pray that momentous meeting will come within a reasonable amount of time.
COLLEGE! Wow, Abbey applying to colleges..what a process. Things have changed since back-in-the-day...A bit more essay involvement..more questions to answer. Some schools are even test optional. SAT or ACT can be substituted for an essay or essays...But, it is what it is..gotta do it.
Of course, parents have a few homework assignments..a few forms to navigate. It can get a bit laborious..but again, it is what it is...gotta do it..
I am thankful for the many, many higher institutions of learning in this country...We are truly so fortunate to have countless, stellar colleges and universities to chose from.
Stay tuned!
And one note..this healthcare situation is also quite a labyrinth. I think I am now qualified to counsel others on it...I have been changing, rearranging, phone-holding, modifying my days, grumbling, frustratingly waving in the air, but yes, periodically shouting a big 'thank you'..but getting to where I am now has been grueling. I mean extra, extra arduous. I have seen the health system quite closely, extensively over the past few years. Yes, change is needed, really needed and now...But I do believe this new act needed a little more homework completion before the big deciders said OK. Many will now have medical access and that really is a good, good step...but again, this roll-out for many is a complicated and in some cases expensive end result. I suppose we should all know, change this momentous will have its issues..a sandpaper implementation period, and this one has some coarse paper, but we will all work/ 'sand' through this..just gotta do it. With great patience and much tweaking..this will see some framework of success.
Hope all is well with you and yours. Onward forward.
Bill
Saturday, January 4, 2014
New Year..yet, everyday..
Yes, the calendar indicates a new year has begun. 2014...yet, truthfully I should begin each day anew, no matter what the calendar displays, and I hope to do this. Yet, I am no different than countless others. When I see that January month before me, I think of new endeavors to pursue, a mini-bucket list, work goals I seriously want to pursue and complete, people, relationships I want to further, or again, pursue. I know these 'wanna-do's' may find a friend in procrastination, or more yet, unfulfilled results, but I say, make the list and pursue on...and I will.
I just want to remain a steady father to Abbey. To guide and encourage her in this last semester of high school. To hopefully equip her with some 'big world' tools..helping her navigate the perils, the darts and arrows, along with the wonderfulness of what is out there in the vast world...
As we have heard and lived..we can succeed, we can achieve great things, but surely we do fall, we make missteps, but it is indeed how we react to these missteps, how we re-charge when the initial charge was redirected, that is what we want to teach our children, and yes, still teach us who have endured a few decades on this earth. It is how we steer through the adversity, and also how we steer when the sails are expanded and the 'life-ship' is guiding so wonderfully well toward accomplishment, we simply have to propel through both waters, but also learn to stop..and be still.
I wish you all a year of sweet health, of accomplishment, of reconciliation with those that may seem out of the arena of reconciliation, a year that will see adventure and boldness. And may we all know..God is near..He walks with us...through the falling down, and He embraces us on the mountaintop. Praise God.
Onward forward...sail on...
Bill
I just want to remain a steady father to Abbey. To guide and encourage her in this last semester of high school. To hopefully equip her with some 'big world' tools..helping her navigate the perils, the darts and arrows, along with the wonderfulness of what is out there in the vast world...
As we have heard and lived..we can succeed, we can achieve great things, but surely we do fall, we make missteps, but it is indeed how we react to these missteps, how we re-charge when the initial charge was redirected, that is what we want to teach our children, and yes, still teach us who have endured a few decades on this earth. It is how we steer through the adversity, and also how we steer when the sails are expanded and the 'life-ship' is guiding so wonderfully well toward accomplishment, we simply have to propel through both waters, but also learn to stop..and be still.
I wish you all a year of sweet health, of accomplishment, of reconciliation with those that may seem out of the arena of reconciliation, a year that will see adventure and boldness. And may we all know..God is near..He walks with us...through the falling down, and He embraces us on the mountaintop. Praise God.
Onward forward...sail on...
Bill
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