Three months..

Hard to believe, May 23rd, three months ago my sweetie was ushered into eternity. Incredible. Reality is piercing the day. Knowing that Becky is gone. Most grief books and the persons I have talked to say it may take 6 months to a year before the true realization of a loved-one being gone is fully recognized. We'll see. I really can't and won't measure this one. It may be now, it may be later...again, not going to ponder this too much...Just live each day.. Celebrate life as Becky would say..Abbey and I are having some fulfilling days along with the 'other'..

School started. Semi excited morning but also missed the hug and kiss of Mom..wishing, hoping praying for a good day, a good year. Becky always loved the first day of school for her little daughter. Abbey is doing good. She likes her schedule and classes. She is cementing a study regimen plan. She's dived into some hearty homework already.

Hope you day or evening is good...May God makes His face to shine upon you..

and I have said it before..never forget how to have some fun..


Bill and Abbey..

Return to hospital..City Of Hope..

Yes, went back to hospital a few days ago, a little less than 3 months since Becky's passing. I knew I would return for various reasons, just wasn't sure when, and if I would be ready, but somehow this day seemed OK, internally permissible, to make the trek. I had to see a few people and I did. Sweet wonderful nurse Emily, and other wonderful nurses. I visited the donor coordinator..they facilitate or arrange any communication between Becky and the donor and much more. We, of course, do not know the donor, there was a two year window before any identities could be revealed, but as written in previous blogs, we did get a wonderfully worded letter from her just after the stem cell transplant., This was one of those triumphant days I have talked about..It was great to see the amazing people who coordinate these transplants. I am humbled by their service. I do believe the donor now knows of Becky's passing. Wow, would I want to see her as she got the news? NO, but do wonder how she reacted..I pray she is secure in all she did..she should be.
I saw others that I needed to see at the hospital. And yes, emotion was threaded throughout the day, but there was an element of healing, hard to describe, but there was some cool water added to the searing recall of some of Becky's time there..
I recalled some of the moments of not only the tremendous trial, but also the tremendous moments of triumph. Like I said, the day we received the donor letter, or the day we were informed by the doctor that it appears the gene that actually causes myelofibrosis was eradicated. And, it was. We did see days when the glass was half full and more, and of course, we had days of half empty and more...
Thus, I departed from the hospital with a mix of emotion. When Becky was in the hospital, I would always do a slight head turn to the right as I drove home on the freeway that loops in front of the hospital and say something to her and/or blow a kiss, but this time, I just glanced at those buildings and murmured, 'she's not there'...and then accelerated home. I had to say, 'my sweetie is in a place where no walls, no medicines are even thought of, she's 'home'..she's healthy, and fulfilled".. this is a hope and promise beyond the City Of Hope hospital I must cling to...and I do..hope you do too...

Celebrate life..

Bill and Abbey

Thoughts..

Listening to a song from the musical "Wicked"...

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good, I have been changed for the better"..of course, thought of my sweetie..

"For Good"...nice song. Abbey, Becky and I saw "Wicked" a few years ago. A good family night.

Also, a song that has been so comforting to me..so heartfelt..to the core..



"Blessings" by Laura Story...poignant, so real...

Among the lyrical phrases I like, these are just a few that penetrate.

'What if a thousand sleepless nights Are what it takes to know You’re near? What if trials of this life Are Your mercies in disguise?'

'What if my greatest disappointments or the achings of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst This world can’t satisfy?'

Semi tough stuff to wrap my heart around? Maybe, but still listen and let the song envelope me..still emersed in it...

I went to cemetery yesterday...what can I say...just wanted this statement for blog record..

Oh, the bird nest just inches away from our front window, with the trio, not the quartet of baby chirpers I previously blogged, well that nest became empty on July 27th, anniversary day. Really, it did. Momma got those babies out and into the world. They are now out there flying about, taking risks, feeling their wings...ummm, sounds good to me..

Abbey doing OK..we talk..we talk and we talk...her wings, her flight appears to be steady..

And again, I thank you all who are still praying for Abbey and I...it means so much. We thank the Lord for you..


Celebrate life..

Bill and Abbey






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Today...

Ya know, grief, though experienced by just about everyone on this planet, has it's own branding or uniqueness with the individual..I don't think anyone travels through grief in exactness to another person. For the blog record, I had a heavy grief, 'ball and chain' morning but the afternoon saw a decent healthy rebound, a bouncier step, with accomplishment made where needed...
Hope you had an accomplished day also..
God Bless...give thanks in all things..

Celebrate life,

Bill and Abbey