Two years, May 23rd, 2011....hard to believe. So much time, yet so close also. The morning was spent at the cemetery..Abbey and I. Always a time of great reflection, sometimes expressed in sweet and not-so-sweet auditory recall and sometimes just silent and still expression. We could not believe the calendar pages had turned 24 months..but the sun does rise and set in continuum, it will not wait for you...and that's OK. After I took Abbey to school, I went to City Of Hope hospital. Just something I had to do...I saw Dr. Snyder, the lead physician, I told him I was coming and he responded in positive tone. He was indeed where he said he would be. I gave him a hug..which as I have mentioned, he should try to do a little more with patients, but I do understand the bacteria element can come into play. Yes, those germs can get on/off his pristine while coat and perhaps cause a little altercation with another patient's immune system. It was a good day at the hospital reflecting and also seeing sweet nurse Emily who was so very significant and special during the journey. So good to hug her and talk life past and present, and so good to see others who were supportive and caring while Becky was there. I walked the grounds, the frontal grass, the rose garden where I had exerted immeasurable emotion, said words of praise and words not so pleasant..
I am glad I went..I knew in my heart and soul I wanted to be at COH on this day..and it was completed. Becky was grateful to be at COH and that's enough for me..
I honestly don't know when I will return..perhaps next year at Bone Marrow/Stem Cell reunion/celebration..when a recipient meets a donor for the first time. I think I would like to see this once..God Bless those earthly angels who donate their marrow, their stem cells. I drove off at seemingly the time I would frequently drive away when Becky was there..the late afternoon...or sunset time. I looked back at the hospital and whispered 'thank you'..then turned my head to of course, focus forward..and that is what must happen and is happening..a look back to say 'thank you', while also looking forward..
God Bless and keep you all...He knew our needs..and still does..
Work hard..but never forget how to have a little fun...
Love,
Bill
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Dear Bill,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are taking these steps to say goodbye. This is your path to healing and you are right on time. You are awesome!
Thanks for the telling of truth to the dr., but I guess I understand. When my mom was in chemo the nurses and the dr. were so cold Rarely smiling. My mom was even more full of the joy of the Lord and would talk to any and everyone. I finally said "Mom, you can't make them love you....they have to stay detached....they can't love and then loose so many people". I so wished they could have smiled and been less cold.... Let us remember that with each any every person we meet in life.
Thanks for your note. meant so much. Bill, Go in the power of God and when the time is full, your life will continue to heal. Then moving on will bring some more joy....you will never forget your sweet Becky...but it will be ok.
Love, June