Return to hospital..City Of Hope..

Yes, went back to hospital a few days ago, a little less than 3 months since Becky's passing. I knew I would return for various reasons, just wasn't sure when, and if I would be ready, but somehow this day seemed OK, internally permissible, to make the trek. I had to see a few people and I did. Sweet wonderful nurse Emily, and other wonderful nurses. I visited the donor coordinator..they facilitate or arrange any communication between Becky and the donor and much more. We, of course, do not know the donor, there was a two year window before any identities could be revealed, but as written in previous blogs, we did get a wonderfully worded letter from her just after the stem cell transplant., This was one of those triumphant days I have talked about..It was great to see the amazing people who coordinate these transplants. I am humbled by their service. I do believe the donor now knows of Becky's passing. Wow, would I want to see her as she got the news? NO, but do wonder how she reacted..I pray she is secure in all she did..she should be.
I saw others that I needed to see at the hospital. And yes, emotion was threaded throughout the day, but there was an element of healing, hard to describe, but there was some cool water added to the searing recall of some of Becky's time there..
I recalled some of the moments of not only the tremendous trial, but also the tremendous moments of triumph. Like I said, the day we received the donor letter, or the day we were informed by the doctor that it appears the gene that actually causes myelofibrosis was eradicated. And, it was. We did see days when the glass was half full and more, and of course, we had days of half empty and more...
Thus, I departed from the hospital with a mix of emotion. When Becky was in the hospital, I would always do a slight head turn to the right as I drove home on the freeway that loops in front of the hospital and say something to her and/or blow a kiss, but this time, I just glanced at those buildings and murmured, 'she's not there'...and then accelerated home. I had to say, 'my sweetie is in a place where no walls, no medicines are even thought of, she's 'home'..she's healthy, and fulfilled".. this is a hope and promise beyond the City Of Hope hospital I must cling to...and I do..hope you do too...

Celebrate life..

Bill and Abbey